It has been about 14 years since I visited Colombia. In fact, it has been 14 years since I stepped foot in South America at all. That is hard to believe, and unfortunate. I have a distinct memory of how I was welcomed into the country with open arms. I doubt the recent embarrassment our country has become on the world stage will have any effect on that view, right? Even back then, I was rocking the Canadian patch on my backpack out of my lack of respect I possess for the USA and their stance on humanitarian issues. Today was no different.
Let’s review what’s currently top of mind in Colombia. They are having a little dustup with Ecuador over border disputes. Trump is trashing their Leftist leader, threatening that he is next in line after he flew in and kidnapped fellow dictator-in-chief Nicolas Maduro in Venezuela. They are in an election year where they most likely will move a little more center as no one is happy with the current economic situation, and many feel a change will do them good. Some things have not changed since my last visit as fighting with paramilitary groups in the north still remains, but at a somewhat more subdued level thanks to the efforts of former leader Uribe, who was hailed as a hero, until people looked a little more closely at the collateral damage that goes with casting a wide net and throwing due process out the window. But, the country is one the most stable south of USA, with excellent healthcare and the 2nd most biodiverse landscapes in the world, behind Brazil.
This trip was to be the next iteration of the Motorcycle Diaries. Last year did not have an edition, so we loaded this one up for early 2026. The cast remains similar with Joe and Chris (Rob could not make it with fatherly commitments). The rough idea was to fly into Medellin, rent dirt bikes and ride 6 days in a clockwise fashion through the mountainous coffee region. Pretty similar concept to our Day of the Dead Ride in Mexico a couple years ago, trading Silver Towns for Coffee Plantations.
We partnered up with Colombia Motor Adventures. They took care of the bikes, the lodging, and the basic route. In my old age I am comfortable relinquishing these duties to locals, with a fine tooth review of course. I still review off-road options, points of interest, and food options.
I packed my gear into checked luggage and boarded the flight to Miami where I met up with Joe and Chris as we waited to board a quick 3Hr ride down to Medellin. Medellin was the epicenter for the Escobar “El Patron” cartel, known as the “murder capital of the world.” People remember those dark days much like Northern Ireland refers to, “The Troubles.” Those days are long gone and Colombia and more specifically Medellin are enjoying an electrifying resurgence.
Once we gathered our bags in Colombia we hailed a Taxi and drove an hour West into town. The driver was blasting 80s American music. Come to think of it, every time we were in a taxi in Colombia they were blasting 80s American music. The song that stuck in my head as we emerged from a painfully long tunnel into the mixing bowl of Medellin was “Tarzan Boy”
Later in the trip, in a state of euphoria I would refer to the song as “Jungle Life.” The other song that crept into my brain on that ride was Brother Louie
Both Videos are equally scary, but Brother Louie just had an extra level of disturbance to both the song and video. I really wanted to title this blog entry “Brother Louie” but I felt the reference was just too much of a stretch. But I do appreciate him planting this song in my head as it provided endless enjoyment, bouncing through the jungle backroads muttering to myself, “Only love breaks her heart; Brother Louie, Louie, Louie!” as I waved to coffee farmers on the side of trail. Just another couple gems added to the “Wild Boys” mix tape.
We checked into hotel. A bit awkward as it was under my name but these 2 clowns lined up right behind me and ended up looking like it was 3 guys staying in one room, which it was. The lady at the front desk was trying to be politically correct with each statement. Once Chris asked for an extra bed to be brought in she rested a bit easier, or so I like to believe.
Chris was not renting the bike from the same outfitter as Joe and I. So we walked with him to pick it up and grab a beer. Chris did not have a phone mount (this will be important later) so he rode it back to hotel, but once he got redirected at a closed road he had no clue where he was and took an impromptu tour of Medellin and its red light district.
He had to swap out the bike because it was not able to slide into neutral. I laughed, “That’s what you get for renting from a low budget option?” And then the next day I had the exact same issue with my bike from the “high price option.” Turns out it was probably a bit of user error as maybe these models are prone to that issue and we found by hitting the throttle it falls into neutral a bit easier. It was around 5pm by this point so we headed out for drinks and dinner
Chris is a little more fluent in Spanish than Joe, and I lag far behind the both of them. We were telling Chris about or trip to Mexico and how we had such trouble ordering drinks, and just about everything else. In Mexico, Joe would try and order a Vodka Soda with a lime and 10 minutes later a person would tip toe out with a tray containing a shot of vodka and a shot of lime juice. Joe is nothing if not persistent and stubborn so he tried it again, then Chris joined in, and sure enough out comes the lime juice and vodka. Classic. They tried to explain it to the woman; she even brought out the vodka bottle to try and get approval kinda as a, “I guess these assholes want to see me pour it in front of them like a fine wine.” I enjoyed it all immensely. I will say that people here were kind, but they did not put up with our antics with a smile on their face as long as they would have in those glorious pre-Trump days, and like I said I fully support their disgust with us.
We walked over to dinner at an interesting restaurant called. Alambique. They were pretty busy but were able to squeeze us into a shared table upstairs.
Kinda cool, there is a pigeon that nested above the main dining table on a wood sculpture and actually had babies it was feeding. Hard to see, she is just right of the Turkish lights.
We shared a few community dishes.
After dinner we walked through the red light district after Chris and Joe stopped for cash
That was coincidental, I don’t mean to imply they were getting cash for hookers. Just a few weeks before, a flight attendant disappeared from this area and was found dead a few days later. It was a pretty intense couple blocks. I would not say it was as in your face as Bangkok but there was an element of risk that Bangkok does not possess, at least on the surface. We got accosted by every female and bar promoter. Those not affiliated with an establishment or selling their body were trying to move cocaine. It was easy to see how a 20-something could go out for a night of drinking here and never be seen again. A fair amount of police and community groups were patrolling, but that may have all been for show. It was about this time that I came up with an idea and proposed to Joe and Chris. “What if we were to come into this area and said Yes to everything? What do you think would happen?” "Would you like to snort some cocaine behind this dumpster?" Sure! "How about going back to my apartment with my friends for a private party?" Lead the way my good man! We wondered how many hours we would be alive for. Could we make it 24hours? It was kinda like a zombie apocalypse story, or the Most Dangerous Game. Make until dawn and you win $1Million dollars. I would take the under on that bet. Chris added that the quote should go along with a picture of a mousetrap and the person struggling in its grip signifying that once Medellin sinks its teeth into you, its lights out.
For a bunch of 50 yo guys in the den of sin we crashed early. The next morning Joe and I took a taxi up out of Medellin to pick up our bikes and then meet up with Chris for the start of our week adventure into the jungle. The hour long ride was steep switchbacks all the way to the rim of the cauldron that is Medellin. After we got situated with our bikes I asked if there was a flat area to ride around a bit to get used to them. Nope. It was just 30 degree gradient drop back into the city. Another baptism by fire. Following the GPS through the chaos with Joe trying to mirror my drunk-like moves over berms and curbs, cause you know its more important not to miss an exit then it is to put your life in harm’s way.
The next pictute is interesting. If you look closely you will see an acrobat with a rope strung across the intersection. We saw this many times with various routines. The light turns red and they do their thing and try to save time to get down and collect change before it goes green. I guess without any welfare system you resort to drastic measures. I applaud the fight but feel bad he can’t use these talents in a more healthy atmosphere.
We met up with Chris on the opposite side of town at El Zarzal Estadero restaurant overlooking the city and the green expanse to the East.
Now that we had the wolfpack together we headed to our lunch stop at Tequendamita Falls.
Here is where we started our normal eating routine. Thankfully all of us are pretty easy to accommodate when it comes to food. So our go to was to just ask for Specialty of the the house or Especialidad Tipica. Often they struggled with what that meant for us, but we usually ended up with a great meal and today was no different. I also felt like it bought a little bit of goodwill, implying we were open to experiencing whatever you wanted to serve us, whether that be special of the day or a plate of cat poop (usually the 2nd option after we started drinking and ordering Vodka Sodas)
We found an alternate off-road route that took us from Medellin to Sonson (our stop for the night) by way of Abejorral. Abejorral is known for its colorful houses, wooden balconies, and traditional Paisa design, with many buildings dating back to the 18th and 19th centuries. About 15 minutes before hitting Abejorral my rear brakes stopped working. Never ideal but especially not on all the steep up and downs of these mountains. I was able to guide us and the bike into town and find a bike shop. It is really not too hard to find a bike shop in poorer countries as everyone has a motorbike so almost every other shop is either selling bikes, servicing bikes are pitching on upgrades to your current one. The guy was nice enough to drop everything he was doing and ride us over to his friend who also dropped everything and bled the air out of my rear line and I was good to go. I paid him well as he deserved it for the service he provided an impatient American.
We carried on into Sonson
When you pull into these small towns it is basically the same drill. You find the main plaza, do a lap around the square to get a lay of the land and park temporarily to find your lodging or restaurant. We parked, some guy harassed me incessantly for what i assumed was money. I ignored and walked over to the Hotel El Tesoro de Sonsón. The building was 200 years old and now functioned as both a B&B and a sort-of museum.
There was no parking at the lodging so they directed us to a structure a few blocks away where we were able to park in the basement garage. Chris help me convey this request after I annoyed the proprietor with my impatience, but it was a long day and I needed a drink to chill out.
We had dinner next door at a balcony restaurant overlooking the main square. We had burgers and all I can recall was how the buns literally fell apart when you picked them up. It was hard to fathom how the presentation for this burger made it through the vetting process. We all had to eat our food with a fork, but to be honest we all dosed pretty heavily on edibles this first night so for all I know we were eating a ribeye steak with our hands complaining about the imaginary bun.
While sitting on the balcony, freezing a bit as we adjusted to the cooler temperatures at 8kft, we began watching this gentleman try to stay upright. He was leaning against the wall, moving to a light poll, and at one point even sliding down the wall to chill out on his ass. After dinner we went down so Chris could get a picture with him. The fun we have at other people’s expense.
Our next stop was a pool hall. We were introduced to a new billiards game. It was amazing the level of skill we witnessed in this one player
The table had no pockets! Only 3 balls on the table. You had to use a designated ball and hit one of the other balls and then your designated cue ball had to then hit the 3rd ball. If you were successful you got a point and went again. Sounds easy but very difficult to string multiple sets together. The guy below in the yellow shirt was the master. We watched this game in every town and no one was better. Unfortunately we judged all subsequent players based upon his skill. The next town we would walk into a hall and sit down, “This guy is garbage, yellow shirt would dominate him.”
We started attracting a gathering at this point. This would also be a trend. The gringos bring novelty.
It was at this time that Chris tried to give a beer to a handicapped child begging for money. This attracted a whole bunch of interest. Like a guy with a loaf of bread attracts seagulls by the shore. I started deferring all interested parties to my Spanish-speaking associate Chris. The equivalent of tucking the bread into his back pocket and watching the birds peck him to death.
Here is a picture of the Rum and Coke Chris ordered.
Our next bar they were playing this crazy version of roulette. There was a table full of numbers and you put your money down. Then they roll a red pool ball down a ramp and it strikes 2 multi-sided D&D dice which tumble off this precarious Lincoln Log perch to reveal the winner.
I just stood there wondering how many iterations and years of debate and bar fights culminated in this setup that was deemed “impartial” and “fair”
We stumbled home around 8pm. Another ongoing joke was how we thought it was always 2am but in fact just roughly around 8pm. We were locked out of our lodging but the after a while of banging on the door the owner was excited to let us in.
Until Tomorrow
Darren
