I am not sure why, but when I was a kid there were so many Polish jokes, using them as a metaphor for incompetence. This is where the title of this blog stems from. It may have been hyper-focused in my area of upbringing because the people in Oakland County MI were not politically correct (read bigots), to put it mildly. Where did these insults stem from? I understand that all immigrants faced backlash, but the derogatory remarks about Italians and Germans, seemed to fizzle out by the late 20th Century, for the most part. Even more, the jokes about Irish being heavy drinkers, was a lot more accurate in my mind. I mean Poland had plenty of geniuses in science and the arts. Were they seen as stupid because they kept getting squeezed out of existence by Russians and Germans, or was it just that they came over and did not speak English, enough to label them as worthless? Unfortunately, I know that to be true for foreigners 2025 America.
People in my sphere would also make jokes about Blacks and Jews, but those were best made behind closed doors, while Pole jokes could be said in the open. Why they were allowed to be in the open was another question. Were they enough like “us” that it was, ok? Was the fact that they did not go through a recognized discrimination/genocide make it acceptable?
I looked it up, and some good theories exist: 1) Irish famine brought all English-speaking Irishmen over, while only foreign-speaking peasants from Poland crossed the Atlantic, while the successful remained home 2) No Polish state existed when they immigrated so it was almost like they were refugees washing up on a raft 3) The US can be altruistic but also extremely self-centered by nature. I don’t have a definitive answer to either question raised in the paragraphs above, but both lead me to have some shame when thinking about this trip. On top of the normal American shame that makes one sow a Canadian flag on their backpack.
When I travelled to Vietnam, I left feeling sad that a country's people were so accustomed to war. Learning about Polish history left me with a similar feeling. They were always at war, wedged between the angry neighbors of Germany and Russia. I was not aware that after a time of Kings and the founders of the first European Constitution, they combined with Lithuania to form a larger “Commonwealth”. These prosperous times ended with the first of the “Partitions”. This should give you a clue that Poland went through hell. Other countries like Germany separates itself by “Reichs” or Empires, while Poland is defined by periods of partitions or periods of being carved up like a turkey. Throughout most of the 19th century there was no “Poland” as Russia, Prussia (Germany), and Hapsburgs (Austria) split it up between them at various times and in various ways. After WWI, their borders were reestablished. Man, how many times have the decisions made by the Paris Peace Conference of 1919, and WW2, led to so much of our troubles globally. I admit they had a tough job, but the arbitrary borders throughout Africa, Europe and Middle East that combined people that had no business being in the same country, led to so much war. Anyway, we all know what happened next, in 1939, Russia moved in the from the East and Germany from the West. They met in the middle and shook hands agreeing to split the country of Poland, while the allies stood back and watched. After the war, the united Poland was, unofficially, gobbled up by Russia the same as Eastern Germany, falling behind the Iron Curtain of Communism. We will skip the attempted extermination of the Jews for right now. When the Berlin wall fell, Poland emerged from darkness and hasn’t looked back….until last week when they elected a Far Left sycophant of Donald Trump.
Now on to the trip!
Continuing with the annual theme of multiday “hut-to-hut” European hikes I started a few years ago in Scotland, this spring I was venturing into Poland. southern Poland to be exact. Like many countries whose borders are not determined by the British Empire, Poland’s southern border follows the Carpathian mountain range as it arcs towards the southwest. On one side is Poland and on the other is Czechoslovakia, or the Czech Republic and Slovakia. The plan was to hike up to the top of the Carpathians (8Kft) and just bounce back and forth along the border for 6 days, staying each night in a stone chalet with basic accommodations.
The travel day over was uneventful, but long. I had 2 flight stops. Not sure I would do that again I thought, as I spent 6 hr layover in Toronto. A 2 stop flight is about as painful as flying Spirit Airlines. I used to think I would only fly Spirit if $300 cheaper. As I have gotten older and less tolerant, that price has gone up to, “There is no price difference I would pay to fly Spirit.” I am putting that 2-stop flight option close up there, with the exception of having to fly into a pretty remote/obscure location, like the Tonga, or Topeka Kansas.
It gave me time to work on my Polish phrases. The extent of Foreign phrases I learn for travel is “Thank You” and “Hello”. I have spent over a year cumulatively in Thailand and that is still all I know, and it takes me 10 seconds to prepare it in my head each time before butchering it on the way out of my mouth.
I landed in Krakow exhausted. Fortunately I was able to check into my hotel early and slept for 4 hours before exploring the city. I walked from the hotel about 20 minutes into the “Old City”, stopping for a few drinks, admiring the remnants of castles and fortifications.
Stopping at Plac Nowy, where the thing to do is to eat a "zapiekanki" or basically a Stouffers French Bread Pizza I ate in the 80s.
Here is something you won't see in lawsuit-filled USA. People inviting drunk tourists to try their hands at archery as they stumble from one restaurant cafe to the next.
Walking along the Vistula river outside of the Wawel Royal Castle.
I stopped at Smil’y Tavern for dinner. I walked up to the counter and pointed to a picture of some food. I will stop here to say, no one really spoke English on this trip and the menu was rarely in English, and I don’t like causing a scene, so I just eat the easiest thing. Usually this means pointing to the plate of the person that ordered before me. When I pointed to the sausage they had to get 2 people to explain to me that “you cook?” I was like, you want me to cook it? At first I thought, no one must order this and they are so disgusted by the request that the only way I am getting it is if I agree to walk back to the kitchen and do it myself. I was not aware that their shtick is making you cook your own food. If you are a regular to my blogs, you know I hate cooking my own food at a restaurant. Eventually, I saw the grill out in the courtyard and understood. I said no, I will just order something else, but there were no other pictures and no food samples on other plates close by,so I just agreed to cooking it. They gave me an uncooked kielbasa and a beer and I headed to the fire.
I walked up to the grill and there was a guy with tongs manipulating a handful of sausages, spinning the grill and turning the meat. I walked up thinking, that’s weird, they want me to cook it, but they also have a guy here who does it for you or at least acts as a meat chaperone? I laid my sausage on the grill, sat and waited for the “Sausage King of Chicago – Abe Froman” to tell me when mine was ready.
He was turning all the meat and grilling pieces of bread. I also threw a piece of bread up there and motioned to him like, this one too ok? Not too burnt please. I noticed he wasn’t giving my sausage the proper attention it deserved. About that time an Asian tourist and his girlfriend walked up there and started turning a sausage and a huge Pole, who was talking to Abe Froman, yelled at them in Polish, motioning to leave it alone! The tourist just stood there and then tried turning another piece and got scolded again, as the Goliath used his tongs like a Hermit crab, pushing the Asian's tongs off the grille. I normally would find this hilarious, but I sat in fear as I wondered, how the hell was I going to claim my meat when the time was right? The Asian’s GF at this point just grabbed a piece of meat and took it back to their table, muttering about how she doesn’t need anyone touching her meat. Again, another joke that I normally would have found funny in a different situation. I thought real hard about my next move and approached the grill
Should I show confidence or act subservient? I decided to act like a local, picking up a set of tongs and motioning to the tourists and laughing to the large Pole, “Tourists, can you believe it?” He just looked at me. I stuck my tongs out and gently massaged what I thought was my piece of meat, watching him for reaction. He grunted positively. The other guy walked up and snarled, and the first guy literally held his hand up to the other signaling that it was ok. Am about to get my ass kicked over a sausage that I don’t even really want? I took the sausage off the grill and back to my plate and proceeded to eat my uncooked Kielbasa, while watching the grill trying to figure it all out. Eventually I realized that the guy did not work there, but had a table inside with about 8 Rugby players, and he had volunteered to cook all their meat. I determined this as they all came out to drink beer around grill, talking. After this I watched an older American couple come and drop their meat on the grill. I sat back to enjoy the scene in my relaxed state of understanding.
I walked back to the hotel around 9pm. I had an early bus ride down to the town of Zakopane and the beginning of my hike.
Until Tomorrow,
Darren
